#WAIT THEON. NOOOOOOO

[visenyaism]

Top 5 asoiaf historical characters or top 5 povs to read from ?

my favorite chapter of all time still goes to the tyrion boat school chapter in adwd but in terms of favorite POVs to read?

6. joncon- giving myself a bonus one to talk about how reading his chapters made me feel like i was dissolving like a powerpoint transition. there’s just so much grief and love and bitterness and doom packed into there it is unreal.

5. sam- gender. he is just so special i’ve never read a fantasy protag quite like samwell tarly and his quest to realize his compassion, empathy, and courage are his greatest strengths despite being discouraged by hypermasculine violent feudal society. he is the real protagonist of asoiaf to me.

4. jonsnow- i liked his pov’s in all the books, but ADWD where he is just trying as hard as possible not to be the protagonist after going though like 4 different genres (can u BELIEVE he started off as a boarding school protagonist) even though he literally has super strengthis so beloved to me. His ongoing crisis where he has to realize that despite everything everyone tries to impose on him he has only ever been just himself is so so real (just as real as him being king beyond the wall. btw) though getting immediately killed for it has to be a downer. MY son was turncloak of the month at castle black👍

3. Jaime- he’s funny. he’s cringe. he stares a lot for someone who can’t fight. he’s delusional. he can’t fit a whole knight in his head. he hasn’t emotionally matured past the age of seventeen. everything he says is insane and also heartbreaking. i love jaime POVs so much y’all don’t get it.

2. Cersei- reading cersei i for the first time last year rewired my brain and i was loud about it. Unlike cersei i was not raised by a fascist nightmare but as a nonbinary girltwin i can say that getting raised alongside a direct example of what your life would’ve been like without misogyny can be very hard, especially when you hit puberty and the “your brother is a person and you are the girl one” starts to get even louder. I was fucking alarmed how personally compelling her weird gender thoughts were given EVERYTHING else the Lannister twins have going on that is NOT personally relevant to me. Don’t know how george rr martin old cishet man that he is knew about any of that.

She’s completely delusional, and at times her mental gymnastics are so so fucking funny, but the like roiling layer of unspeakable (literally unspeakable she refuses to speak or acknowledge it) pain and fear underneath is what got me really. Watching her scheme out of arrogance and mortal terror really just to gain respect and bodily autonomy (though in the Tywin way where freedom from abuse and the “right” to abuse others are the same thing) and then just losing everything incredibly fucking hard was really compelling. i hope you win.

1. Melisandre- wait i said another chapter was my favorite of all time in this post? no i didn’t not when melisandre i is in the room. i have talked about this one extensively and probably will do so again. Finding out that r’hllor is literally her enslaved and her entire black and white apocalyptic worldview is her attempt to feel safe within that truth because she is still just a scared little girl at heart who needs what she’s saying to be true because if it’s not none of her suffering was worth it was the revelation of all time. That and the revelation that she actually does have a human attachment to Davos to the point that she’s watching over his son to spare him the grief. We WILL get melisandre ii in this lifetime and it will break my heart all over again because she is going to outlive stannis and have to survive the worldview shattering.

[waitingforwinterwinds]

A Clash of Kings - 37 THEON III (pages 485-493)

Theon oversees the harrying of the coastline, makes some choices that may affect his reputation with the Ironmen, and gets his honorary uncle on board with his plan for Winterfell.

-

What does it matter? Dead is dead. "Take him, then." "You will come as well. You command here. The offering should come from you." That was more than Theon could stomach. "You are the priest, uncle, I leave the god to you. Do me the same kindness and leave the battles to me."

huh. You know it's odd, from the way Theon boasts about his battle prowess and some of his thoughts, I got the impression he didn't have a problem with killing people, so is the reluctance here because Tallhart is a Northman? Someone he knew? One of Robb's men, and Theon's still clinging in part to that connection to someone who was almost a brother to him? (I say almost because Theon's ward/hostage status and associated issues regarding that.)

But also, oohhhhh, that's a choice. These people already don't like or trust Theon fully, and as shit as killing Tallhart in the sea might be for him, refusing the traditions is only going to further alienate Theon with his uncle and the more religious members of the Iron Island folks. Like I get that he doesn't want to kill him at all if he can avoid it, but I feel like Theon doesn't really understand he's in hostile territory here. The blood in his veins doesn't mean shit to many of these people, the boy is in danger!

Theon thought of seeking the bodies of the two men he'd slain himself to see if they had any jewelry worth taking, but the notion left a bitter taste in his mouth. He could imagine what Eddard Stark would have said. Yet that thought made him angry too. Stark is dead and rotting, and nought to me, he reminded himself.

Sure buddy, you keep telling yourself that, one day you'll even have yourself convinced. You know it's kind of interesting to see, but as far as I'm aware, Theon is really the only character who has this kind of cultural dysphoria going on. Like Dany has a disconnect from what she considers her birth culture, in that she has zero connection to it outside of being born on Dragonstone and her fam lived in Westeros for 300-ish years, but Theon spent as much time in Winterfell as he did in the Iron Islands, and as much as he's likely told himself he's still one of the ironmen, he's not really, he assimilated with the northerners, even if only a little bit, and now he's kind of stuck between the two cultures and the two ethical frameworks of said cultures, not fully one or the other. (But a secret third thing: in need of therapy and a loving home and a large jug of respect women and lower classes juice.)

One of them was in a shoving match with a fat man named Todric, who was reeling among the slain with a horn of ale in one hand and an axe in the other, clad in a cloak of white foxfur only slightly stained by the blood of its previous owner.

Lady Blue! Nooooooo!

... be honest, and raise your hand if you understood that reference.

He drew on the hand that clutched the drinking horn, figuring to give them a shot to talk about, but Todric spoiled it by lurching to one side just as he loosed. The arrow took him through the belly. The looters stopped to gape. Theon lowered his bow. "No drunkards, I said, and no squabbles over plunder." On his kneed, Todric was dying noisily. "Botley, silence him." ... Now they know I mean what I say.

A dangerous, if accidental, play. On the one hand, it does send the message that he means what he says and isn't afraid to kill his own men if they disobey, he's not someone they can take advantage of. On the other hand, he just killed one of his own men when he's already barely accepted on the whole. This does look like it should be a point in his favour, but we'll have to wait and see if there's any resentment over it.

... oh and there's the reminder these folks are pro-rape like the Dothraki. lovely (sarcasm)

"The day is won," Dagmer called down. "And yet you do not smile, boy. The living should smile, for the dead cannot."

Oh that gave me two conflicting thoughts. "We're alive! Let's celebrate by eating something dead!" and: Didn't Bran once describe Theon as 'always smiling' in GoT? That really does bring it home how much stuff Theon is going through emotionally as of late.

"How many men are lost?" "Of ours?" Theon shrugged. "Todric. I killed him for getting drunk and fighting over loot." "Some men are born to be killed."

ah, so more favour than flaw with this lot. Nice.

A lesser man might had been afraid to show a smile as frightening as his, yet Dagmer grinned more often and broadly than Lord balon ever had. Ugly as it was, that smile brought back a hundred memories. (...) He gave me more smiles than my father and Eddard Stark together. (...) "You and I must talk, uncle," Theon said. Dagmer was no true uncle, only a sworn man with perhaps a pinch of Greyjoy blood four or five lives back, and that from the wrong side of the blanket. Yet Theon had always called him uncle nonetheless.

... I don't like how red that flag is. It's looking suspiciously like a death flag. Nothing bad better happen to Theon's emotional support uncle!

The fingers curled around the drinking horn were heavy with rings, gold and silver and bronze, set with pieces of sapphire and garnet and dragonglass.

dragonglass = 🥛

... ngl, Theon's plan is insidiously good. Deception, misdirection, theater! I wonder how much of his desire to take Winterfell specifically is his inner conflict with his two halves, and how much of it is the fact that Winterfell is the biggest prize in the north.

[incorrect-game-of-thrones]

Jon: Dany and I kissed for the first time last night!

Sansa: Really? Theon and I had our first kiss, too. It was so dark out I couldn't even make out his face...but it was such a romantic kiss in the courtyard.

Jon: In the courtyard? That's where Daenerys and I kissed, we didn't see anyone- no. Oh gods no! NOOOOOOO!

Sansa: What? Oh, wait- NOOOOOOO!

Daenerys and Theon: *burst into the room* What's wrong?!

Jon and Sansa: *turn to look at Dany and Theon* AHHHHHH!

[the-marvel-wars]

I need to talk about GoT 8x02

My thoughts on Game of Thrones 8x02 (grab a glass of wine because it’s a fucking ride and a half)

This will be moved over to my new blog for nerd reviews, Sounds Like Nerds.

WARNING: THIS WILL BE VERY SPOILER-Y AND FULL OF SWEARING!

PLEASE, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS EPISODE, DO NOT READ THE SPOILERS!

IT’S SO HARD TO STAY AWAY WHEN YOU’RE CURIOUS AS HELL, BUT PLEASE DON’T LOOK AT THESE SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE EPISODE!

SPOILERS WILL BE BELOW THE CUT, SO IF YOU DON’T TURN AWAY NOW, I CAN’T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SPOILERS YOU WILL SEE.

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

ALRIGHT!

Let me be very clear that this episode brought about a slight meltdown for me. The little moments these characters had with one another broke me in half, and next week, I’ll be dead entirely. Resurrect me only to watch these episodes because life will mean nothing after “Avengers: Endgame” and GoT 8x03. I’m tired, dazed, very confused, and on the verge of a complete breakdown. While I still have some energy, here we fucking go.

That opening STILL gives me goosebumps after all these years, not gonna lie.

I lost my whole uterus when Daenerys stared down Jaime and was like, “yo, I always thought of how I would kill you. Here you are” (rough translation). I was like, “BiTcH nOoOoOoO”

ALSO, DAENERYS, HOW DARE YOU QUESTION TYRION! I FELT LIKE I WAS HALLUCINATING! Someone get me some water!

Sansa, a fucking goddess, the QUEEN IN THE NORTH, A RED WOLF. I DON’T GIVE A HOLY SHIT. I LOVE HER. I WANT HER IN MY LIFE FOREVER. TOUCH HER, AND I WILL BURN THE WHOLE WORLD TO THE GROUND!

“The things we do for love” -Jaime, 1x01

“The things we do for love” -Bran, 8x02

Me, during that scene:

Brienne standing up for Jaime the way she did is not helping my desperate need for them to get together. I’m trying to put OUT this fire, not add fuel to it, ffs.

When Sansa began speaking to Brienne after that, I was terrified that Sansa would be like “you vouch for him? You would fight beside him? Then you will suffer the same fate as him.” I was like, are they gonna get fed to the dragons? TaKe Me InStEaD!

Sansa giving Jaime a pass because of her respect for Brienne cleared my skin up, and I will breathe easier until I see Endgame on Thursday night. help.

LISTEN! Here’s my issue! Daenerys’ look at Sansa infuriated me when Sansa gave Jaime a pardon of sorts. Then, she’s like, “UH, JON! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS?!?!?!?!” like she’s just magically gonna get what she wants because they’re having………….the sex. Jon’s not gonna turn on his sister/cousin. I’m sorry, but don’t.

Bran just keeps staring at people. Just get that kid a blindfold, he’ll be less of a creep.

Me at Bran the ENTIRE episode:

Let me say this, I knew from the moment Arya did that little eyebrow lift at Gendry in the beginning of the episode, that they were gonna sex by the end of it. I’ve shipped it since they first met, and I will ship it until I die.

“It’s gonna be safer down in the crypt” -Gendry, totally oblivious to the little assassin Arya’s become.

“I know death. He’s got many faces. I look forward to seeing this one.” -Arya, giving me goosebumps while throwing dragonglass at a post. What a little fucking queen. Oh, God, take me away.

I lowkey want Arya to stare right into the face of the Night King, right into the face of death, and I just want her to say “not today” as a callback to season 1 and her training with Syrio Forel. Ugh. SHIT.

“Bran looks like a coconut” -my friend, 2k19

“At least Cersei won’t get to murder me” -Tyrion, giving me goosebumps because Bronn’s got that fucking crossbow of poetic justice, and I WILL NOT HAVE IT! TOUCH TYRION, AND I WILL RIOT!

Podrick has also gotten so much better with the sword, and I AM JUST SO PROUD!

“I’m not the fighter I used to be, but I’d be honored to serve under your command if you’ll have me” -Jaime, giving Brienne the credit she has always deserved, but that’s not even the best part. What happens later is what truly had me weeping.

I just want Jorah and Daenerys to kiss one time in a ship-fulfilling way. I just want him to be happy. I NEED him to be happy. Jorah fighting on behalf of Tyrion made me love him all the more, and if he dies, I WILL RIOT AGAIN!

The Sansa/Daenerys interaction had me quaking. I was literally sitting on the couch, head in my hands, shaking. I was both angry and relieved. While I’m upset they’re being pitted against one another, I’m relieved that they’re staying true to their characters. Sansa is true to her home and her people, Daenerys just wants to take what is rightfully hers (I mean, as we all know, it’s not TECHNICALLY hers *cough* Jon Snow). They’re both such headstrong women, and I hope they come together at some point. The women of this show would bring the entire population of Westeros to their knees.

Theon and Sansa reuniting had me in tears yet again. This episode was so fucking emotional for me, but I know that next week will break me even more.

“I want to fight for Winterfell, Lady Sansa, if you’ll have me” -Theon Greyjoy, reformed.

Those two have been through so much together (too much, really), and so much on their own. The fact that they are together again makes me so emotional. JUST KILL ME!

That little girl that Davos served made me cry AGAIN! He was reminded of Shireen. He wants to protect the little girl he couldn’t save.

Tormund TACKLING Jon like a quarterback was hilarious as shit in such a touching scene.

“The big woman still here?” -Tormund Giantsbane, the man who just wants some fuq

Seeing my favorite characters gathered around the command table made me shake with pure fucking fangirl excitement. It’s what I’ve wanted from the beginning.

“I took this castle from you. Let me defend you, now” -THEON GREYJOY oh my god, just bury me at this point with my collection of Marvel comics, my Star Wars pajamas, and my replica dragon eggs. Just put me to rest because I can’t. I cannot. I have been unable to can. No.

“We’re all going to die” -Tormund, putting it all out there like it’s no big deal. It’s a VERY BIG DEAL

Missandei and Greyworm having their little moment just drove home my fear that one of them is going to die before the end of the season, perhaps by the end of the next episode. WHEN YOU MAKE PROMISES IN THIS SHOW, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP THEM! YOU FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS SHOULD KNOW THIS!

Ghost just chilling in the background of that scene with Sam, Jon, and Edd is a whole 2019 mood. He gets no attention, barely any screen time, and others may not even notice him. But not us. Not us.

I’M BEING SO SUPER SERIOUS RIGHT NOW, IF SAMWELL TARLEY DIES, I WILL FUCK EVERYONE UP IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY! I SWEAR TO THE WHOLE UNIVERSE! SAM IS THE LAST GOOD, PURE, INNOCENT CHARACTER IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN WORLD, AND IF HE GOES DOWN, I’M GOING DOWN, TOO! I WILL HAVE A COMPLETE AND UTTER MELTDOWN, AND MY THERAPIST WILL BE GETTING A CALL AT 10:30 AT NIGHT! IF HE DIES, YOU’LL CATCH MY WHOLE ASS PICKETING IN A WALMART PARKING LOT, WEEPING.

*ahem*

sorry.

The scene with everyone around the fire was such an incredibly beautiful scene.

Also, Tyrion pouring Podrick a full cup when Brienne clearly said “HALF” is a wholeass mood.

I’m scared that the characters by the fire are the ones who are going to bite it in the next episode, and I’m not ready. I’m just gonna blackout.

TORMUND TELLING THE STORY OF HOW HE GOT THE NAME “GIANTSBANE” MADE ME CACKLE. A BEAM OF PURE LIGHT IN THIS SAD, TERRIBLE UNIVERSE! I’m still laughing.

Arya and Sandor drinking together. Leave me alone, I’m weak. I can’t talk about this right now. I’m too emotional about it still. One of these little shits is gonna die in the next episode, and I just cannot.

“I fought for you, didn’t I?” -Sandor Clegane, coming in at the last moment to rip the soul from my body. Thanks.

HeLp!

“I’m not spending my final hours with you two miserable old shits” -Arya, about to go get her freak on with Gendry ;)

When Arya started talking about Gendry’s experience with women, my friend and I both looked at each other, knowing exactly what the shit was gonna happen. It was gonna be weird, but it was gonna happen no matter what.

When Gendry finally admitted that he had been with three women, I was like, “Arya’s gonna say some smooth shit, like “want to add a fourth?”” but I was gonna be happy no matter what because these two are cute as shit together.

Me, when they were doing...the...sex:

Also me:

“Women can’t be knights” -Brienne, laying down some realness

AND THEN JAIME KNIGHTED HER, AND I CRIED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH! I TURNED INTO A PUDDLE ON THE FUCKING GROUND BECAUSE I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT FOR SO LONG! BRIENNE DESERVED THAT TITLE MORE THAN ANYONE I’VE EVER KNOWN, AND THIS WAS SO INSPIRING TO WATCH!

I cried, babies cried, my dogs probably fucking cried.

“ARISE BRIENNE OF TARTH, A KNIGHT OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS”

oh my HOLY ASS!

I’m crying for my giant baby right now.

LYANNA MORMONT BEING A BABY QUEEN!

“I pledged to fight for the North, and I will fight!” -Lyanna Mormont, a little beast.

I PLEDGED TO FIGHT FOR THESE CHARACTERS, AND I WILL FIGHT FOR HER!

Sam gifting Jorah his family’s sword just drove home my suspicion that they won’t see each other again because ONE OF THEM IS GONNA DIE! SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL BURN IT DOWN! I’M GONNA FUCKSTART MY TV NEXT WEEK, AND I’M GONNA THROW UP!

Jenny’s Song.

Jenny’s Song.

Jenny’s Song.

shit.

Jon telling Daenerys about his lineage had my heart POUNDING in my chest. I DO NOT want this to be a rivalry. I don’t want it. I do not...want it. Not at all. I want it a negative amount. None want. Will not support.

I’m not ready for next week.

I’m not ready for any of this.

I will never be ready!

MY LITTLE, GROWN UP BABIES ARE GOING TO DIE! I’VE WATCHED THIS SHOW FOR LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE IS MAKING IT OUT OF THIS SHIT ALIVE! I’M GONNA GO DOWN WITH WHOEVER DIES NEXT WEEK. I WILL BE BURIED WITH THEM, SO HELP ME ASS! I’M GONNA PUKE!

Honestly, this episode made me so fucking emotional. I think it sunk in that these characters I’ve been following for so many years through the books and show, are likely to meet their end so soon. I’m just having a hard time grasping this concept, and it started to sink in tonight. I’ve read these books since I was a young teen, and I started watching the show when it was coming out (against my father’s wishes). I’ve followed these stories for such a long time, and a lot is going to happen this week for me, between Endgame and this upcoming episode. I’m experiencing too many emotions, and my body may just decide to shut down altogether. Who knows?

[starline]

BACK AT IT AGAIN - GOT Season 8 - Episode 1 - Reaction/Thoughts

To be honest I’m not as hyped about this as I used to be...

GENDRY!!! AND ALL MY EXCITEMENT FOR THE SHOW IS BACK!!

Man, I feel ya Missandei. It’s like when I visited Wisconsin in the winter.

Oh Bran... you weirdo. Hahaha.

Sansa is so damn tall Lolol

Awww this poor kid Lord Umber. Aw boo boo.

I love Sansa SO MUCH. She’s got people to feed. Lol “it had its moments” & “I used to think you were the cleverest man”

JON AND ARYA!!!! Aaaaaaaah my heart!!!

YES ARYA DEFENDING SANSA. YES YES YES. SHE IS SMART. MAH GIRLS.

Oh I forgot about this Greyjoy fucker. Ugh fuck this House.

Hahaha I love these whores treating Bronn like he ain’t shit. Lololol

Bronn ain’t gonna kill Jamie or Tyrion hahahahahaha. Cersei is dumb.

I... never thought I’d be happy to see Theon? Still deserves the headbutt. Ok ok I respect this. Theon needs to finish his redemption tour and then die.

ONION KNIGHT! Hahaha he ships Dany and Jon

Hahaha FLY THAT DRAGON NAMED AFTER YOUR DADDY JON!!! Hahahahaha oh nooooooo fuck that. Nahhhhhhhhhhh my palms got sweaty… Nope nope nope I WOULD NEVER FLY A DRAGON.

I mean I guess I feel icky about them as a couple. Wtf was that dragon being a perv

That’s as tender as the Hound is gonna get hahaha

GENDRY I LOVE YOUUUUU. MORE BANTER WITH ARYA PLEASEEEEEE

I’m gonna just forever say how much I love Sansa. LADY OF FUCKING WINTERFELL.

OH SAM!!! YAY!! ....OH NOOOOO.  Oh boo boo! Your daddy sucked, but your brother though.

Bran you weirdo!! Ughhhh I can’t deal.

SAM AND JON!!! TELL HIM SAM TELL HIM.

Fuck though. Aw man this is good shit. ““You gave up your crown to save your people, would she do the same?””

Oh hey Tormund!  Please don’t die.

“STAY BACK HE’S GOT BLUE EYES!!” “I’VE ALWAYS HAD BLUE EYES?!” hahahaha

OH NO THE UMBER KID. Aw man :(

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! NOOOOOOO OH NOOOOO! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT I JUMPED AND SCREAMED AT MY TV

JAMIE!!!!

Bran you weirdo! Oh wait. OH. OHHHHHH SHIT.

IN CONCLUSION:

[dingoes8myrp]

Mom and I React to Game of Thrones 8x03

Before the show

Me: "She's gonna throw a wrench in everything."

Mom: "She's gotta wait until the end."

Me: "She can't."

Me: "The Long Night. It's 93 minutes."

Mom: "Jesus Christ. Okay, Jamie and Brienne are gonna die. Tormund dies, I guarantee it."

Me: "I think Theon's gonna die because he made his peace with everybody. Grey Worm's gonna die."

-

The Map

Me: "Ooh, Clarice van Houtun is the Red Woman. Remember she said she'd die there and Varys too."

Then we argued for several minutes about what was on the damn ring around the glowy light

-

Sam walks hurriedly across the yard

Mom: "WHY IS HE NOT IN THE CRYPT WITH HER?! NO, SAM! DON'T GET KILLED! Oh, Sam's gonna get killed."

Tyrion walks across the yard

Mom: "Oh, Tyrion's staying out there too. He's supposed to be in the crypts."

Bran eyes Tyrion

Me: "They're doing something. Bran eyed Tyrion like they have a plan."

Mom: "Oh, Sansa's out there! She can't fight! OH, dragons! They have so many armies. There's the Hound, front row. He's so massive. There's Sam."

Edd: "Oh, for fuck's sake."

Mom: "Fuck's sake is right."

Me: "Oh, this is so stressful."

Mom: "It's so pitch black out there. They're gonna be on top of them before they even see them."

Jon walks over to Daenerys

Mom: "Oh God. 'I don't want the throne, you can have it.' Just say it, Jon."

Arya and Sansa

Mom: "She's with her sister."

Horse riding up

Mom: "One man, one horse. Who is it? Oh, the witch!"

Me: "Told you!"

Melisandre: "Tell them to lift their swords."

Me: "They're all going to light on fire."

Melisandre starts her spell

Me: "Jorah's like 'What the fuck?'"

All the swords light up

Me: "Christ, a little heads up for those guys maybe?"

The whole army lights up

Mom: "She's one hell of a witch."

Davos watches Melisandre ride up

Mom: "He hates her. He does not trust her. Like 'What are you doing here?'"

Me: "Because she's going to fight for Jon."

Melisandre and Arya have a weird exchange of looks

Mom: "Why's she staring at her?"

Mom: "Why are they launching things out there? They're not even there yet."

Me: "To light it up so they can see."

The dead show up in a wall out of nowhere

Mom: "Holy shit."

All the lights start going out

Mom: "Oh shit, they're all dead. Now they have more in their army. On horses."

Mom: "What's that? Oh, they're running back."

Daenerys and Jon

Mom: "She's gonna take her dragons and burn them all up."

Me: "Yeah... except she's supposed to stay with Jon so they can BOTH go after the Night King, who's going to be on the dragon. But she's pissed at him now so she's doing something else."

The dead roll in

Mom: "Millions of them!"

Brienne falls

Mom: "Brienne's down!"

Me: "NOOOO! NO!"

Mom: "Jamie saved her."

The dragons roll in

Mom: "There she is."

Me: "Oh, shit. Him too!"

Mom: "Well, they're wiping them out."

Me: "But poor Bran! He's bait and they're supposed to cover him!"

Mom: "Oh shit."

Arya: "Stick 'em with the pointy end."

Me: "Awww. Sansa's gonna have to use that."

Lots of stabby stabby

Me: "Oh, God, this is stressful."

Mom: "Sam! No, not Sam!"

Me: "Ahh! Ahh!"

Edd saves him

Me: "Oh, good."

Edd bites it

Me: "No, Edd!"

Mom: "Sam's running?!"

Me: "Well, he's just getting people killed out there."

Mom: "What's Jon bumping into? Oh, it's her!"

Me: "They can't see each other."

Mom: "Kind of like we can't see anything."

Seriously, would better lighting have killed them?

The Unsullied

Mom: "They're still out there?!"

Me: "They're in a different section."

Mom: "There's Bran all out in the open."

Dragon lands

Mom: "Which one is it?!"

Me: "Can't tell."

Mom: "Oh, it's Jon. He's gonna stay with his brother. But she didn't hear him."

Me: "Or she's just doing her own thing."

Me: "Oh, Arya saved The Hound!"

Daenerys lost in the snow

Mom: "She can't see where she's going!"

Me: "So their most powerful asset is being benched by stubborn scorn and a snow storm? Seriously?"

Grey Worm eyes Melisandre

Me: "She's gonna have to light this shit."

Mom: "This is how she's gonna die."

Trench lights

Me: "Oh thank fuck."

The Hound backs away

Me: "He is not comfy. Nope. He's out."

Theon starts to apologize to Bran

Me: "Oh, he's gonna bite it."

Bran: "I'm going to go now."

Me: "Oh shit."

Lots of gray splotches as the ravens fly. Seriously, I don't know what we're looking at.

Mom: "There's the Night King."

Mom: "Oh, shit. They're making an opening in the fire."

Sure enough.

Wights start climbing

Me: "I'm so stressed out."

We're just straight up not breathing through most of this

Arya busts out her spear

Mom: "There she goes."

Lyanna gets the giant

Me: "Oof."

Arya hiding while the dead things knock shit over

Arya quickstabs a wight

Me: "Good thing that wasn't someone alive."

Not. Breathing. During that whole sequence

The Crypts

Mom: "Oh, God."

Me: "It was their own people panicking trying to get in."

Mom: "Christ."

The Hound and Beric

Me: "She's gonna end up stabbing one of them."

Beric gets stabbed, like, a zillion times

Arya runs off

Me: "The fuck is she doing?"

Theon stands off against an army of wights

Me: "Oh, God."

Mom: "You guys get your shit together with the fucking dragons, alright?"

Me: "Well Jon's just trying not to puke. And he can't get close enough to stab the guy."

Dragon crash lands

Me: "Whose dragon is that?"

Mom: "Jon's dragon. He got beat to shit."

me: "Oh no."

Mom: "Oh the Night King fell off the dragon. Burn his ass."

Me: "He wants her to. It's a trap. He wants to get her dragon."

Night King throws his spear

Me: "Ooh, he missed."

Mom: "And Jon's right behind him."

Night King turns around

Me: "'Cause Jon is not stealthy."

Night King starts his little resurrection spirit fingers

Me: "Shit. He's not close enough to get him."

Mom: "Come on, Daenerys. Where are you with the dragon?"

All the dead rise in Winterfell

Mom: "ALL OF THEM ARE RISING?!"

Me: "He's underestimating Jon, though. Jon'll cut through everybody."

The Crypt

Me: "NOOOOOOO!"

Mom: "Oh sweet fuck."

Me: "Sansa, pull your fucking knife."

Theon and co battle

Me: "What the fuck is Bran doing?"

Jon is surrounded by fire

Me: "Oh there she is!"

Drogon gets beat to shit and drops her

Me: "Oh crap and she's got nothing."

Me: "Jorah1 He's still alive. Sam. But he can't get up. That's not good."

Mom: "Brienne."

We're just taking tally of who's still alive as Jon makes his gauntlet run

Me: "Theon."

Mom: "Last arrow."

Me: "Shit."

Daenerys picks up a sword

Me: "There you go."

Sansa hiding behind a coffin

Me: "YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH A FUCKING WEAPON! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

Sansa pulls out her knife and looks at Tyrion

Me: "Oh shit."

Dragon just kills the shit out of Winterfell

Me: "Winterfell's going to be gone by the time this is done."

Bran

Me: "WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?"

Mom: "Theon's the only one left."

Me: "He's gonna have to kill the Night King because Jon's not there yet."

Bran: "Theon, you're a good man."

Me: "'Cause Theon's about to die."

Sure enough

Mom: "He can't take control of something? What happened to that?"

Me: "I don't know. There had to be a better plan."

Jorah beat to shit still fighting

Me: "Ugh."

Bran

Me: "Bran, you better pull something out of your hat, bro."

Jon

Me: "Are you gonna hop on that dragon, or?"

ARYA!!! MVP AWARD

Jorah falls and the dragon lands next to her. Teary eyed.

Melisandre walks out

Me: "She said she'd be dead by dawn. What else is going to happen?"

She just wanders out to the snow and dies

Mom: "Okay, so now we're going to be dealing with 'He wants my throne.'"

[lapassantjuriste]

Leaky Leaky

What really amuses me, is that it was Star.

Spoilers hereinafter, read at your own risk.

I’m going to try something new this week, I’m going to type my reactions as they happen, because I love me them bullet points.

-Damn it Bran, what is the point of being all knowing if you’re not going to share. 

-More Stark reunions, yay!

-Sansa’s is freaked out by her siblings. And I don’t know why, I mean after all that’s happened to her, why does she expect the others to remain the same? It disappoints me when 9gag calls stuff like this.

-I’m not sure what Meera wants Bran to say, I know ‘Thanks’ was a bit of a let down, but what is he supposed to say?  

-Well fought Arya and Brienne! Now that’s the kind of girl on girl action I like to see in Thrones!

-Oh look Jon found cave paintings which convince Daeny that the White Walkers are real, how convenient.  

-Davos is a shipper. I wonder what will happen when he finds out that their aunt and nephew.

-Davos knows his grammar!!! Stannis would be so proud (wipes away tears) 

-What is with this season and reunions?

-Is Jon going to punch Theon? I know he wants to.

-Yes, because Jon would have killed him and damn the consequences, because he still knows nothing. Its nice to know that somethings don’t change. 

-Oh Jaime, so noble, lets not flog the men, but we’ll rob defenseless farmers of their food because their lord supported the wrong queen.

-OMG a rehash of the field or fire?? 

-Oh wait ... its hooves, Dohtraki.

-OH HAI THAAR DROGON!

-Watch out Drogon! (I just don’t want the dragons to die ok!)

-NOOOOOOO

-HE”S ALIVE!!!

-So Jon Snow is not the only one who knows nothing!

So yes exciting, well the second half at least. BUT also so damn predictable. I mean, You’ve got Mycroft Mark Gatiss Tycho Nestoris telling Cersei that the Iron Bank will support her. We’ve got Daeny saying all my allies have left me. And we’ve had Cersei win for three episodes, this was bound to happen, because this is Thrones without Martin and its predictable as F! 

I’m quite interested in that valyrian steel dagger, since it keeps popping up, I wonder who the original owner was, and considering that Barn the all knowing gave it to Arya I think it may have belonged to Visenya Targaryen originally. Or because it would be more plot relevant Bran the Builder. (I’d prefer Visenya tbh).

I’m not sure if I’m a Jon/Daeny shipper, because idk, it seems so forced. They’ve barely interacted, he showed her some dragonglass and some cave paintings, and Davos alreadys ships them? No Davos that’s the territory of fans only, in-universe shipping can’t happen like that. 

It was nice to see Arya and Brienne spar!

But as predictable as it was, the batter scene was well done. Jamie is still being one of my favs of the season, but I kind wish either him or Bronn had died, well Bronn really, because we know Jaime has to kill his sister eventually (For so it must be, for so it is written ... ahem, I mean because history)

But yes that was a good battle, I was on my toes about Drogon, because that is a death that I would not have seen coming and would have made me as sad as that of Oberyn. 

So a hit and a miss, lets see where things go now. 

[youremyonlyhope]

The Dragon and the Wolf

Ok we’re getting more incest I guess. At least at this point it’s accidental.

WOAH. WAIT. WHY IS THIS AN HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES LONG.

I didn’t catch Joe Dempsie’s name in the credits... no Gendry... is this episode even worth watching?... I’m kidding. “There’s more work in the city. And the brothels are far superior.” HEY TYRION. Hey. Don’t forget that Ros, my love, came from a brothel up North! And she was one of the most requested prostitutes in King’s Landing! You yourself picked her out for Joffrey (which was a mistake). Don’t insult my girl’s homeland like that. Oh how I miss Ros. I haven’t thought of her in a while and it upsets me. She was the best. AWWW PODRICK AND TYRION REUNITED. Hound... when Brienne said “The only one who needs protecting is the one who gets in her way” was that a small little proud smile I saw on you...? That’s adorable. Is Dany gonna make a grand entrance or something? Everyone has someone from the other side to stare down angrily. It’s a family reunion again! Hound. HOUND. HOUND DON’T CONFRONT YOUR BROTHER COME ON. Dany knows how to make an entrance. Cersei, stop acting like you’re not impressed/terrified. Hey Cersei. As the great Julie Andrews said, “A queen is never late, everyone else is simply early.” So respect your Queen Dany. “Do you remember when we discussed dwarf jokes?” “His wasn’t even good.” YES THEON. “Sit down or leave” OH WOW CERSEI COMING THROUGH AS A VOICE OF REASON? FOR LIKE THE FIRST TIME EVER?!?! OR AT LEAST THE FIRST TIME SINCE NED STARK’S DEATH WHEN SHE KINDA SORTA TRIED TO STOP JOFFREY!?!? Amazing. Euron. That’s how you know you’re wrong. When CERSEI acts as a voice of reason. “They’re about to become a million more soldiers for the Army of the Dead.” “I’d imagine for most of them it’d be an improvement.” Cersei. You were so close. So close. So close to being a reasonable person. You showed a small glimmer of like... decency. And now you’re back to being horrible. YEAH. YEAH. OK. YES. UM. SETTING A WHITE WALKER ON CERSEI AND STOPPING IT ONLY A FOOT AWAY IS ONE WAY OF PROVING THEY EXIST. WOW. Qyburn. I genuinely love your mind and how you keep wanting to learn more and more. BUT RIGHT NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO EXAMINE THE WIGHT OK? “I’m taking the Iron Fleet back to the Iron Islands.” WOW NOW EURON’S THE COWARD??!?!?!?! Cersei. Being reasonable about the true enemy. Thank you.

Safe to say that was the most convincing presentation ever made ever.

“I know Ned Stark’s son will be true to his word.” Ok but Cersei what if he’s not Ned’s son? Spoke too soon. Cersei is not reasonable IN THE SLIGHTEST. Did not write anything for the entirety of the Cersie and Tyrion scene. I love how Jon and Dany are discussing children as if their kids wouldn’t be inbred. Ok. Cersei has reason again. Finally. BAELISH. SHUT UP. LEAVE MY SANSA ALONE. I’m glad Theon and Jon got to have that talk. Yes Theon! Go save your sister! I am so sleepy. I had to rewind the fight scene of Theon and the guy a couple times because I kept like... fading away right when Theon starts to win and I’d come back to life like huh what’s happening. And it’s happening again in Winterfell, all these long shots on individual people’s reactions to seeing Arya be brought in is making me sleepy. Stop smirking, Baelish. “You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of treason. How do you answer these charges... Lord Baelish?” I just AUDIBLY gasped! I’d actually been spoiled for this but forgot about it! Being spoiled for this moment was what made me realize in season 1 that oh god, Baelish is gonna still be around in Season 7 and I gotta just deal with him that whole time. We’re here now! I knew my Stark girls would never fight. “None of you knows the truth.” “You held a knife to his throat.” ALL KNOWING CREEPY BRAN TO THE RESCUE! WOW Baelish looks truly pathetic while crying. FINALLY. FI. NAL. LY. I’m glad Arya had the honors.

Also I’m so mad I was spoiled for Baelish’s death by Sophie Turner herself THIS WEEK. People were making fun of Nick Jonas’ Met Gala look, saying he looked like Baelish (he did) and she made a joke along the lines of “I thought you died last season.” Literally, I was 4 days away from watching this episode. 4 days. Ugh. It would have been so much more satisfying if I hadn’t known it was coming. But also, I did kind of forget I’d been spoiled by the Met Gala right up until Sansa said “Lord Baelish?” I really spent the whole of Season 7 forgetting that Baelish would die at some point, and hearing Sansa say that made me realize this was the last episode of the season so he was probably gonna die.

Also, what a coincidence that I mentioned Ros at the beginning of this episode for the first time in so long. I had been saying from the beginning that I hoped Ros gets to be the one to kill Baelish. He got to her first, but I wish she had done it. But Arya doing it is fine too. I’m glad it was a woman at least. That’s still pretty satisfying.

Cersei’s back to being unreasonable again. Girl. Just pick something and stick with it. Please. Ok. Euron leaving to get the army in Essos. I’ll give Cersei that much. I did think it was weird that Euron gave up so quickly. Ugh... Jaime has sense though, he’s running off. Snowing in King’s Landing. Wow. When Gendry said he hadn’t seen snow before, I remember thinking “What? Not even in Winter? - oh Winter hasn’t come yet.” Well now it’s here in King’s Landing too. I feel like they probably mentioned it in like Season 1, but when was the last winter? Snow on Cersei’s map symbolizing winter being here for all of Westeros, I see you. SAM!!! AND GILLY!! AND LITTLE SAM!! So Bran is the one who reveals Jon’s parentage? I was so hoping Gilly would stumble across it while reading, she nearly did. Oh well. HIS LAST NAME ISN’T SNOW IT’S SAND. That’s a bigger reveal to me than the parentage. I predicted Lyanna would be his mother, but only because I already knew about Rhaegar. Because of spoilers. Yay. Oh so Gilly did help kind of figure it out because of the annulment. Rhaegar looked so much like Viserys (or whatever Harry Lloyd’s name was) that it freaked me out and I had a physical fight or flight reaction. Robert’s Rebellion being based on a lie is a shock though. So Ned had to take Jon to protect him not just from the world and everyone hunting Targaryens, but from his own best friend too?? JON’S NAME IS AEGON?!!?!?!!? I JUST GASPED OUT LOUD. I still don’t ship Dany and Jon though. I love the shot of the two Stark girls together. Happy. Alive. OH GOD THEY’RE HERE. THE ARMY’S AT THE TREES. THE WAR’S STARTING. AHHHHHHHH GIANT WIGHTS TOO. Why are they stopping? Dramatic effect? (Dragon screeching) OH NO THAT’S WHY. OH IT HAS BLUE FIRE. NOOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOO. I JUST GASPED AND WHISPERED NOOOOOOOO OUT LOUD. THE NIGHT KING’S RIDING THE DRAGON. HELL NO. IT CAN MELT THE WALL. WOW. WE’RE SO DOOMED. WOW. Everything sucks.

For some reason I thought the season ended with a shot of the 3 Stark kids together. So that whole scene I was like... waiting to cut back to Winterfell and have a scene of Bran telling everyone and Arya being like “We’ll be ready.” or whatever. But nope. Super bleak depressing ending.

I can’t imagine having to wait 2 more years after that.

Proofreading this post made me realize how much happened. Honestly, the presentation of the wight feels like it was last episode, not this one.

[abandoned-as-mustard]

GoT 6x09

Looking forward to some Ramsay death 

- Dany, you have three dragons, they can all just cook the ships alive

- who’s this poncy ass blue master with the guyliner

- “we’re here to discuss your surrender, not mine” yes

- WOOOOOOAAHHHHH DROGON IS BIIIIIGGGGG NOW

- GOOD BOY! THAT’S A GOOD BOY!

- THE DOTHRAKI ARE HEEEEEERE TOO

Dracarys Such a good boy

- “thank you for armada, the queen does love her ships”

- I vote the blue guy to die

- heheheheheheh grey worm kills them all except one in one blow 

- “remind them what happened when deanarys stormborn came to mereen” 😎

- ooooh now Jon is gonna meet Sansa’s atrocious husband

- I'm breathing steam whenever Ramsay speaks

- “I’m a man of mercy” so is that why you murdered your step mother and your half brother and your father in the same day?

YYYESSSSS

fuck you Ramsay, JONNY BOI CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD. he can do anything

- “will your men wanna fight for you when they hear you wouldn’t fight for them”” AHA YES JON the shade

- “You’re going to die tomorrow, lord bolton. sleep well.” THE SASS, SANSA! 😎

- “you think he’s going to walk into a trap, he’s the one who lays the traps.”

- Sansa is predicting Rickon’s death :(

“as long as he lives as a true born son then he’s a risk to winterfell”

EVERYONE IS FORGETTING ABOUT BRAN

- “Jon snow’s not a king”

“no he’s not”

yeah, just wait another few episodes 🌚

- would you look at that, Melisandre has development too

- when are we gonna actually see this lord of light????

- awwwwwww DAVOS FOUND THE LITTLE STAG HE MADE SHIREEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- Theon has arrived 

- “every person who makes a joke about dwarves thinks he’s the first ever person to make jokes as dwarves”

- “what’s wrong with you?”

“I'm not fit to rule”

reminder of what Ramsay took from him :((

- “we’re going to leave the world better than we found it” yessss

- oh lovely, Ramsay has laid out some crosses with some barbecuing people already

- what kind of a house symbol is a flayed man on a cross, anyway? where the hell did it come from?

- oh no he’s bringing out Rickon I'm in my last minutes of seeing this precious cinnamon roll

shiittttttttttttttttttttttt

- NOOOOOOOOOOO 

- OHHH NOOOOOOO

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING BOW RAMSAY NOOOOOOOOO

- GET DOWN RICKON GET DOWN 

- HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO REACH JON

NOOOOOOOOO

HE WAS LITERALLY LIKE

10 FEET IN FRONT OF HIM

- KILLLLL THE BASTARD JON KILLLL THAT BASTARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

EWWWWW NOOOOOO THE ARROWS KEEP FALLING INTO RICKON’S DEAD BODY

- SOMEONE CARRY HIS BODY AWAY SO HE DOESN’T GET TRAMPLED

- DIE RAMSAY DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE 

- Jon just standing there while they all gallop past him 

- MAGICALLY, the arrows all miss jon

- the good men are all dropping like flies ugh!

- too many horsies dying 

- HOW ARE THEY GONNA FIND RICKON UNDER THE BODIES

- “who owns the north? We do!”

YOU MEAN WHO BETRAYED THE NORTH???

- RAMSAY IS SUCH A WASTE OF GOOD LOOKS

- YESSS GENTLE GIANT COME TO THE RESCUE

SQUASH THEMMMMMMMM

- SQUASH THEM LIKE FLIESSSSS

I can’t help it, I laughed

Man, are they bad at math

- GIANT KNOCKING DOWN THE SHIELDS LIKE DOMINOES

- this is like no mans land, they’re climbing over the bodies to get to the battle

- Oooooh giant just ripped someone apart lol

- EVERYONE PROTECT THE GIANT GINGER GIANTSBANE GNOME

- why does no one go for their feet??? why doesn’t anyone cut off the feet of the boltons, that’s the only part their shields don’t protect

- SOMEONE STOP TRAMPLING JONNY BOI

- he can’t get oop

- Ramsay the coward still hasn’t come forward to fight 

- I never understood that head smashing thing with your own head thing, how do you not knock out yourself in the process

- oooooh white horsies to the rescue

- looks like those idiots who refused Sansa eventually changed their minds after all 

now, that’s what I'm talking about!

- yyyyesssss Jon kill Ramsay bastard

- the look on Ramsey’s face when he realises he might lose. priceless.

- yesssss is the giant gonna kill him

- aw no

- “they don’t have the men for a siege” yeah well HOW ABOUT A FUCKING GIANT???

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GIANTTTTTTTTTTTT

- FUCK YOU RAMSAY YOU MADE THE FINAL BLOW 

- RAMSAY

IS 

DEAD

it would’ve been so much more poetic if arya arrived home at this moment

- rickon’s body brought back 

- DAFUQ??? RAMSAY’S STILL ALIVE????

-  bet Jon saved him for Sansa like a good brother

- YESSSSS SANSA

- OOOOOOOHHH YESSSS

- let the dogs maul him

- “my hounds will never harm me”

“you haven’t fed them in 7 days. now they’re starving.”

- YESSSSSSSS

- I won’t even mute the flesh squelching this time because it’s so beautiful

- Ramsay met his own appropriate end, a man who killed his family deserves that

YESSSSSSSS